Thoughts on a Tuesday

I am soliciting opinions. There are many people who live and work here, and have for years (10-15) but have children at home in their country. So they see them once a year for a month and they are being raised by cousins or grandparents.

I am not speaking about the families where one parent does this. I understand the desire to provide a living for your family and, although it isn’t what I would choose, at least the child(ren) have a parent. I am speaking of the many families where both parents are here. I met a women the other day whose 14 and 4 year old live at home with cousins while she and her husband are here. She has had this job for 15 years, she was pregnant and gave birth here then the children went home to be raised by a cousin. She is now bringing them here as she wants the chance to be with them, which I think is great. And I may have a chance to ask more questions about her thoughts on this as I get to know her more but didn’t want to be too nosy. Yes, I am learning tactfulness (I still consider it beating around the bush!) , although it kills me at times to not simply come to the point.

What is the point? Is the desire to procreate that strong? There doesn’t seem to be any of the “joy” of having children. Am I just being judgmental or does this seem odd to anyone else? My thought would be to not have them if I then had to leave them to provide for them. Functionally, it is like not having them, except for one month per year.

Granted I come from a family where my parents chose to live on one income so mom could stay home with us and I know many (most?) families in the states aren’t willing to make the sacrifices that involves. So, I am biased towards prioritizing parental involvement due to my background. But, speaking as a professional who works with tough children, the best results happen when a parent is involved in the process of raising the child. Even with very low functioning kids, parents hold a strong draw and a lot of power.  With typical children the power is even greater if the parents choose to involve themselves as more than just a dinner partner.

One of my good friends from childhood remembers my mother more fondly than hers as the parent she spent the most time with growing up. We were the family that went to the beach and to the water slides in Misquamicut and a multitude of other fun things. Rather than the family where the parents went to work.

Quite a heavy thought in the morning, golly! Anyway, please chime in. I would love to hear opinions on this. I just can’t wrap my head around it. I know a lot of my high school peers have children and have chosen to work rather than stay home.  And the teacher people in my world, I know you have strong opinions on parenting! And all the “Chester Network” folks (you know who you are) you raised a whole slew of us quite nicely, sometimes I felt like I had a team of parents. Tell me your thoughts, please!

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